I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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