We named our party play list daddy issues
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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