The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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