the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.