I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.