fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.