piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
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I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem