Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.