lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
