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Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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