At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.