I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
