oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
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I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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