I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
