His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
