names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
