very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
