and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
