In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
