Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
