man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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