there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
