Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
