I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
