The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
