Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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