Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
