that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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