oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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