Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The ass gains better be worth it
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