Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
