Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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