lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
