help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
