literally had 100 drinks last night.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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