so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
