Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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