She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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