if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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