Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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