god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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