There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
