Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
