and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
