im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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