my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
