Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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