the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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