I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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