You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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