u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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