On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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