goodnight i made you a song goodbye
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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