Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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