The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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