omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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