either way he was missing a nipple.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
