Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
