my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just pee around me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
