I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
