so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
