i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
