im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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