you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Come see our sink grown plant.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Floor bacon is actually really good
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
