That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize