i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
