Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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