I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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