No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
