3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
