My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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