Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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