My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so let's talk penis.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
