I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
