hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
