; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
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I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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