dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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