glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's Friday. Sex?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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