all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
