I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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