i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
