I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
